i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
