I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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