does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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