you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
