I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
