WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
