Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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