she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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