I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
