So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i believe in u and ur pee
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
