I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
