They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
