So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
