i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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