3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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