I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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