According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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