well I can't set my house on fire every night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
