Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
