we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
