Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
