i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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