I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
