I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He did a backflip because drugs
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