i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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