I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
