I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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