He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
