why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i now understand why vodka
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
