If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
