i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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