When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
is that a dick in a sweater?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
