new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
