dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
