I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
