That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
