Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
