the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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