sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
