U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
