I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
