Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
