if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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