Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
