Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
