I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
