im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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