His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
