I cut my penus on the lid.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
