I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
