His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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