Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
