Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
